Week 20 | 2019

One more day of school for my girls. I am sick of unpacking lunch boxes every day, getting kids up to shower, and homework. TOTALLY ready for summer here! I am trying to stop telling myself that things are chaotic and that I am overwhelmed- but there is a lot of do, and the parents in this house are exhausted.

I am really feeling funky about my photography right now, and playing the comparison game, and social media is NOT helping that. I am tied to Facebook at least until I return from Guatemala (as that is where all of the planning takes place), but I deleted Instagram for a while. I am the queen of feeling so frustrated by online stuff, but then not changing my participation in it in any meaningful way. Right now, I would say my theme is dissonance- knowing what I want to do, having plans for things I want to do, but not doing those things because of life, kids, and general human limitations. Basically, things are so much better than they used to be, and I see the path forward, but I am feeling antsy because the going is slow. Or, at exactly the right place but it FEELS SLOW.

Pretty deep, right? ;)

Weeks 18 & 19 | 2019

So many things have happened in the last few weeks that I have not been able to do anything with my personal photos. Good thing I have all of the photos, because I think I would have forgotten some things otherwise! In the middle of all of this chaos, I am having lots of thoughts of how much I am sucking as far as being our family documentarian- I meant to start digital project life several months ago, and I haven’t. I mean to start a one second a day video project every month, and then I don’t. And I keep writing on my to-do list to make Blurb books of our last two vacations- but so many other things have had to come first. In the past, I would stay up until 1 am editing photos. Now, I go to bed around the same time that my kids do, and wake up before 6am. During the day, I am parenting, cleaning, activites, exercising, appointments, laundry, etc., and suddenly, it is bedtime again. Not that I need to write blog posts about how busy I am, because that is definitely NOT COOL.

Back to the last few weeks. I turned 44, and eh, not my favorite. It was a fine day, but I am feeling my age. We had the Mayor’s Run. The girls had a piano recital, we came home, had a tornado, and lost power for the night. The next night, Gus got attacked by a cat in our neighborhood and we spent the evening in the ER and dealing with animal control. There was the one year anniversary of my mother's death, which felt like looking for feelings and then not having any. We had the fifth grade field trip to the Omaha zoo. It is interesting to watch all of these pre-middle school social dynamics. While at the zoo, I got a message that Lida won her school’s bike rodeo, and then a few days later she went on to win the city bike rodeo. I wasn’t there, because I was doing a client photo shoot. We finally rode the ferris wheel at Scheels, which was terrifying and not something I will do ever again. I am glad that I was with my calmest child (who was also terrified, but stayed very still). Gus had his last day of preschool, which I did photograph, but am not including in my 365 since the photos include kids that are not mine. I was unexpectedly very emotional about Gus being done with preschool. Things are about to start changing for our family in some huge ways.

Some of these photos are pretty snapshotty, taken just to document the moment. Like a normal person/ parent would do. I feel like I missed some moments. And some days, it was an OH NO, I STILL NEED A PHOTO FOR TODAY thing- see the portrait of my dog, and the allium photo, and the mini lilacs.

Week 17 | 2019

Overwhelmed. We survived what I now think was norovirus, and it was pretty awful. Now, the school year is ending for everyone, and we are facing a summer with so many events already planned. We will go camping as we do every year when school gets out, and then a month later I will head to Guatemala for about a week. Before we do any of that, we have piano recitals and so many field trips and our last preschool graduation (sob).

I just started yoga outside of my house, and I think it is something that will be really great in this “season” (as it is popular to say these days). I do a lot of working out at home, but many times I need to stop mid-workout to parent or redirect the puppies. At yoga, I arrive, and they make it a point to say, “now we are locking the door” as class starts, and just knowing that I will get through the class with no interruption from anyone or anything is enough.

Still enjoying the lilacs. Drinking a lot of coffee. Getting all of the steps in. Reading books. Making big plans (as usual). Watching a little television with my kids (just finishing Parks and Rec). Photographed a birth, which I really need to edit and share. In summary, happy and grateful and trying to catch up.