In the last week or so, things have been moving along as far as plans to create paid photography opportunities. I have taken some big steps to keep moving in that direction. I have also realized that I have so much to do to make a lot of my dreams and plans become reality. I want to keep an open mind over the next year or so, and try some things out while I am in the "portfolio building" stage. The problem is that every new thing I want to try comes with needs for new knowledge and new equipment. I have such a hard time with making decisions, and I spend too much time researching options. My anxiety manifests itself in many interesting ways, but this might be one of the most prominent symptoms. It extends to things beyond photography, and includes things like skin care, shoes, and a kitchen table. When I can't make a decision, I just don't buy anything. I really envy people who just randomly choose something, because I am sure in most cases it works out to be just fine and they have more time to pursue other activities and interests. As an aside, I think we are about to solve our three year kitchen table dilemma (it is broken, and we only have four chairs, so someone sits on a torn up folding chair). This may happen as soon as next week. I will do a blog post, as it should be an interesting IKEA hack kind of project. Sadly, I also really need pants and shorts that fit me, and new shoes, in addition to a new tripod and a wide angle lens. I suspect I will remain frozen and unable to solve much of that for the time being.
That brings me to some other realizations I have had recently, one of which is that having three kids means I do not have very much time. And my concentration pretty much sucks. Pretty much. So I think I need to work on retraining my attention span, which may (does) mean that I need to spend less time on social media. Because of my current goals related to photography, social media needs to continue to play a significant role in my life. I think I just need to keep it limited and directed to only what is useful, worthwhile, and necessary. I need to read some books and study some information and get my ability to focus back. I haven't read a book in months.
My other profound realization is that it may be time for making extreme self-care a HUGE priority. To start doing some of the things I want to do successfully, I need a lot more energy. And a lot of my health related behaviors are big drains on my limited energy stores. I am 40. I have a bunch of weird health issues, including dietary and auto-immune issues, and a boatload of anxiety and insomnia on top of all of that. And a two year old who just quit napping. Some of that is totally out of my control, but a lot of it I can improve. I have started to make some small changes that are positive, and with that momentum I am hopeful I can keep adding more positive changes into my daily routine.
The last exciting thing I will share is that I am going to Click Away 2016 in Seattle this October. This is a HUGE thing, because it means leaving my babies for the first time ever. I haven't traveled by plane in over eight years. I am so excited, because it will mean that I get to meet lots of photography friends that I have built relationships with through online classes and groups. I am so appreciative that my husband pushed me towards taking advantage of this opportunity, and for all of the support that he has provided me in relationship to my photography hobby and future goals. He is honestly the best.